My New Mantel Piece

was given to me by a neighbor. Okay, well, not actually given to me. More like, crazy-lady neighbor who was high on marijuana hurled it and it's glassy, green twin at my house narrowly missing my bedroom window, leaving a quarter-sized hole in the stucco.

Now, this isn't just any crazy, high neighbor. This is Tina the Latina who was evicted from the property behind us for nonpayment of rent and in an act of incredulity actually moved out of the rental behind us and into a rental directly across the street from us. She sits in her driveway or on her porch and stares at our house for seemingly hours on end. She does a lot of strange, freeform, totally drug-induced dances in her driveway too. Awesome entertainment.

We have had no verbal contact since the eviction, but some pent up aggression 4 months later caused her to throw 2 glass elephants at my house.

So.... I called the cops. I didn't think they'd care or take me seriously. I was wrong. They came to my door within 10 minutes and after I explained that I "thought" they may have come from her as she has a motive and collects many items like that, I couldn't be entirely sure, and could they please just ask her if they belong to her. I am so non-confrontational that my heart was pounding and I got really nervous and was glad to have the cops dealing with her instead of myself.

The female cop politely obliged my request and walked across the street to where Tina the Latina was standing and asked if she recognized the figurines. "Um, well, they kinda look like some I had...I'm not sure....maybe they're mine, no, I don't know.... they don't have proof that I threw them. I know they don't have video cameras, no one can prove anything...." and on and on and on.

Another cop arrived to assist the female cop and they both walked back over to my place and said, "Well, she is pretty much denying it, but she's nuts. She is a looney toon." They asked me for her complete name, birthdate, and any other information I had on her and ran her name through the system. "It's your lucky day!" the female cop said to me. "She's got a warrant out for her arrest in another county." A few more calls later and a little paperwork and the next thing I knew, the cops were handcuffing Tina the Latina and 'helping' her into a cop car. And just like that, off to jail they went...

Moral of this story. Don't throw things at my house, or I will have you arrested. Also, I will most likely keep whatever you throw at my house on my mantel so I can tell my story to all who enter my home. Oh yeah, and don't smoke pot. It makes you crazy sauce.